


Ready to lose (everything but you)

by lantia4ever



Series: Of Overqualified Hands & Pi Figures (IronStrange) [9]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers 4 and post-Avengers 4 AU, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, BAMF Stephen Strange, BAMF Tony Stark, Canon Temporary Character Death, Cloak of Levitation (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Supremefamily, Thanos is defeated, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Totally not canon and not temporary character death, how rude, not team Cap friendly, why is the Cloak not in the character tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-06-30 17:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15756834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lantia4ever/pseuds/lantia4ever
Summary: You can dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives. Unfortunately for Thanos, so does Vengeance. The Avengers don't call themselves that for no reason after all and Thanos arrived and managed to piss off every single last one of them.And now that the war is over, the reality of what Stephen had done to ensure this outcome finally catches up to him. All he can do now is start picking up the pieces of what's left. Of the Time stone. Of the team. And of the man that will likely hate him for the rest of his life after he wakes up.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! ^^ 
> 
> Hope you're all in the mood for some heavy angst, dark thoughts and more feels than you can handle. Because this series' verse is about to get darker than the Dark Dimension. Hell, I called Dormamu to lend me some darkness to work with during writing this so, yeah. But that's to be expected since this IS an Infinity War compliant thing...aaaand that didn't seemed to have stopped me from adding onto the angst in A4 related events either. 
> 
> Why? I don't know. I'm just mentally preparing for the next movie I guess :D Because _someone_ has to die in there for sure and I'm usually not in luck when it comes to my first picks *coughsteverogerscough*
> 
> Anyway :3 I will be in the UK until next week to cool off from this raining hellfire here (istg if it's suddenly 40 degrees in London as well when I arrive, I will flip out...) and thought I'd share the first part of this next fic in the series, then cool down a bit on that vacation, post the rest of this and THEN, maybe, FINALLY...get to some actual fluff again? Or, you know...some ACTUAL IronStrange? :'D Hah...hahah! *awkward, wheezing laughter*
> 
> Enjoy my dear IronStrangers and let me know what you think <3
> 
> PS: Since what happens in A4 is anybody's guess at this point, I'm making it as vague as it gets because all those time travelling/altering scenarios are real nice and incredibly possible and also incredibly complex XD And I didn't want to delve into all that. I just want to get back to all that blooming IronStrange, y'know? :3
> 
> PPS: The title is from the song Ready To Lose by Ingrid Michaelson, that randomly played on my playlist months ago and I've been literally plotting this entire fic with it in the back of my head ever since. Basically my IronStrange Infinity War writing juice right there, so check it out! ^^

_It's the heart in you - I know it in my bones - that made me change direction when I thought better off alone._

_-_ _**[Ingrid Michaelson \ Ready To Lose ft. Trant Dabbs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDXFQofX918) ** _

 

 

 

“ _You should go rest, Doctor_ ,” FRIDAY pleads with him… _pleads with him_ …dimming the lights in the room.  

He doesn’t need to rest.

He’d rested enough in the Soul world. It felt like years, even if it was just weeks in reality. Weeks of absolute chaos and hell across the universe. The aftermath of the snap was always vivid in every single alternate possibility he’d witnessed and the worst one he’s seen was the one where they have won in the end.

This one.

And now that everything is back in order, there’s no time to rest. Not until the man that brought the order back and is currently fast asleep in the bed he’s sitting by is alright. 

 _Alright_.

As if anyone is ever going to be alright after everything that happened.

 

* * *

 

 

He should have known something big and bad was coming. Whenever things are looking up in his life something big and bad is bound to ruin it. In this case, the big and bad took shape of a purple grape titan and his army of lackeys.

Two lackeys and a donut spaceship to be more exact.

“Yeah, sorry but Earth is closed today!” Tony yells at the gray alien, jumping into the middle of his evil speech – because it wouldn’t be Tony if he didn’t.

“Stone-keeper. Does this blabbering animal speak for you?”

Stephen glares at the alien, walking a few steps ahead of their group and forming shield signs. Only he gets to call Tony names during their banter, certainly not this asshole. “The only blabbering animal I see here is you. You and your pet over there are not welcomed on this planet!”

“That means _get lost_ , Squidward!”

“I don’t know, he’s more of a Voldemort,” Stephen quips.

“Ah yeah, you’re right. Perfect combination between them. Squidmort!” Tony smirks.

“Voldeward?”

“Ughhhh, they exhaust me,” Squidmort groans and turns to his buddy. “Bring me the stone.”

 

 

One lost battle later, he found himself on the very same donut spaceship, tortured by Squidmort himself. For just a moment anyway.

“One of these needles could…,” he turns around, alerting to Tony’s presence, “end you friend’s life in an instance.”

“My friend, huh? We haven’t really defined our relationship yet – thanks for that major cockblock move by the way, Voldeward. I’m really only here to beat your fugly face for that…saving him and by extension saving our date is a bonus I guess.”

“You will save nothing. You can’t beat me. Your powers are inconsequential to mine,” Squidmort hisses and does his telekinesis thing.

“That may be true, but the kid’s seen more movies.”

Of _course_ Peter followed them into a speeding alien donutship going who knows how far away into space.

“What are you doing here?!” Stephen scolds him the second he gets his bearings after almost getting sucked out of the ship.

“Saving your ass, that’s what,” Tony answers for the teen. “Me and the Cloak already handled the lecture, so you can just thank him now.”

The Cloak returns to his shoulders and gives him a thumbs up. “I’m not thanking him for recklessly following us to an alien spaceship! Can you turn this thing around?”

They ponder their options for a minute, deciding to follow the course that will bring them to fight Thanos instead of turning to run and hide back to Earth.

And Peter not only didn’t bother to listen to the scolding, but clearly tuned out their strategic planning talk as well. “Did you say _saving our date_?” he gapes at Tony, eyes wide and a grin slowly making its way across his face.

“Wh – did you not listen to anything past that at all?!” Tony closes his eyes and shakes his head in disbelief.

“That sounded like the most important bit,” Peter shrugs, his awestricken gaze flicking between them. “This took a lot longer than we expected.”

“Excuse me, _we_?!” Stephen demands, making Peter snap a hand over his mouth. “Who’s _we_?!”

Tony pats him on the shoulder and sighs. “Him, his science club, Wong, Happy, Rhodey…I’m pretty sure he got _everyone_ in on it by now, they weren’t exactly subtle. Even this thing,” he thugs at the Cloak.

“Unbelievable.”

“Impressive,” Tony mumbles.

In those moments, Stephen could have forgotten they’re in a spaceship heading off to fight the worst enemy they’ve ever faced. Tony studying the ship’s mainframe, Peter geeking over it, Stephen pouting in the corner pretending he’s still mad, yet unable to hide the fond expression overtaking his features at the sight.

All of that changed on Titan. _Everything_ changed on Titan.

Earning new allies in the Guardians upped their chances of beating Thanos, but Stephen didn’t realize just _how little_ until he saw it for himself.

Fourteen million different times. Fourteen million different losses. Fourteen million nightmares in vivid colors carving into his memory like daggers.

It didn’t matter what they did on Titan – Thanos would always win in the end. If they lived or if they died, if they fought or if they ran…it didn’t matter.

Somewhere around the fifth millionth attempt, Stephen just walked out. He couldn’t watch them die again. So he just portalled away. Away from Titan, away from Earth. Away from Thanos.

He managed to run for years, kept the stone safe…he dreaded to find this could be the only possibility to win. Run, hide and never look back. Sacrifice everything to protect the universe.

The fear was unwarranted.

Because no matter for how many years he managed to avoid fate, in the end it still arrived. Sooner or later, Thanos would always find him. And he’d always get the stone.

One way or the other, half of the universe would die.

When the spell finally ended and he snapped back to reality to five worried faces of his friends and teammates, he was none the wiser.

“How many did we win?” Tony asks, his voice betraying the fear he’s trying to hide behind his usual mission façade.

The answer to that would probably be thirty-seven. Out of fourteen million, that’s how many times Thanos was defeated in the end.

But Stephen wouldn’t call more than half of those times a victory. The cost to defeat the Mad Titan was too high no matter how he looked at it – in most cases actually higher than the cost of life of half of the universe.

He would say that – and he’s a doctor. He knows one can’t simply put value to life like that. And still, defeating Thanos just wasn’t worth the price.

It all came down to four possibilities – the least drastic ones. And he had the power to choose.

With the fate of the universe in his trembling hands, he knew there really was only one possibility he could live – and die with. After witnessing the horror of fourteen million losses, there were only two things that mattered to him.

He could have said there were thirty-seven, he could have even said there were four. But instead, he said…

“Just one.”

 

 

The plan is simple – incapacitate Thanos using Mantis’s mental abilities and get the gauntlet off of him. Straightforward. Foolproof.

It’s not going to work.

“Nothing to add?”

Tony’s gaze had been carefully studying him ever since he emerged from the Time stone enhanced trip into the future. Stephen didn’t say a word since then and his lack of input is clearly disturbing Tony.

“No.”

“You sure? For someone who’s seen fourteen million futures where we get our asses kicked, you’re awfully silent,” he utters, quiet enough for only them – and probably Peter – to hear.

“Exactly. You of all people should know the reason behind my silence.”

Tony frowns, eyes wandering to Peter and their new allies. “You’re afraid that telling us anything will affect the outcome in a way you can’t predict.”

Spoken like the scientist he is. Time, causality, paradox…to most people it’s gibberish and only barely understandable to those enlightened by physics. Stephen’s learnt years ago that Tony Stark is not most people. He’s Iron Man. He’s a genius. A hero.

And he’s the only person Thanos will ever truly fear.

“Then again, how can you be sure we’re going down the right path if you’re not saying anything at all?”

Stephen sighs, leaning against the uncomfortable rock he’s sitting by. “My time to act will come. And when it does, I will steer us down the right one.”

“Well that doesn’t sound ominous at all.”

He looks up, hoping his stoic façade isn’t going to crack and show the storming turmoil within his heart and mind. Judging by Tony’s softening look, he fails at least a little bit.

“You know, when you said that you ‘know a place’…this is not exactly what I imagined,” Tony points to their harsh surroundings. “It’s kinda like expecting to go for a wild date on Nar Shaddaa and instead ending up in the middle of a sandstorm on Korriban with not even a picnic basket.”

“For someone who allegedly hates Star Wars, you sure care to remember and reference its lore stuff a lot,” Stephen chuckles, for once letting Tony divert them from the seriousness of their situation.

“For someone who’s allegedly never seen Star Wars, you sure recognize my lore references to it pretty damn fast.”

“Wong’s a fan.”

Tony gives him a tiny glare and nods, letting a smirk take over. “Wong. Uh huh.”

“Besides, _this_ is most definitely not what I had in mind,” Stephen waves around him. “I was thinking a lot more ocean view and seafood and a lot less desert and hostile aliens that _look like_ seafood.”

Tony bursts out laughing, the sound of it finally calming Stephen’s nerves and strengthening his resolve.

He wants to hear it again. Many more times. He wants to be the cause of it. He wants to go on that first real date and make Tony laugh and banter with him and hold him in his arms again…kiss him and savor every living and breathing moment with him from there on.

And maybe he will still get to do that. Maybe he won’t. First, Thanos must be defeated. And even before that, _they_ must be defeated.

“Alright! Y’all ready to take positions? Who knows when that son of a bitch decides to drop in on us!” Quill announces and everyone begins scrambling into the first formation.

Tony lingers a while longer in front of him, all traces of a smile gone and for a single moment of vulnerability, he lets Stephen see the fear clear and raw in his eyes.

Stephen gives him a tiny smile, hoping it’s at least half as reassuring as he wants it to be.

Tony takes a breath and nods, the nano-armor spreading up to form the helmet around his head. “Don’t do anything stupid, Doc. Ocean view and seafood sounds real good,” he adds before shooting up to the sky, heading off to find an appropriately large boulder to drop on Thanos’s face.

 _It really does_ , Stephen thinks to himself with a quiet sigh and waits.

 

 

And Thanos arrives, just as he always would in his visions. And so does Nebula.

They stand their ground and manage to disable him, trying to get the gauntlet off – just as they always would. And then he breaks free and in turn all hell breaks loose.

It goes exactly like Stephen saw it happen. But knowing doesn’t make it any easier to watch Thanos defeat them one by one until the only man standing is Tony. He gives the titan a good fight, makes him sweat and makes him bleed. But it’s a fight he can’t win.

Not yet.

Stephen averts his eyes as Thanos stabs Tony with a weapon of his own making. He needs to keep it together now. For everyone’s sakes.

“I hope they’ll remember you,” Thanos talks to Tony while preparing to make the last move.

The move that always sealed their fate. It seemed inevitable. No matter how they approached fighting Thanos, no matter if it was here on Titan or back on Earth or anywhere else, the moment Thanos killed Tony was the moment a death sentence for half of the universe was signed.

Keeping him alive proved to be a futile endeavor for the longest time because there is not a version of this fight where Tony wouldn’t jump in to protect someone and die in the process if need be. Such is his nonexistent regard for his own life and Stephen can’t even blame him for it.

He knows Tony’s worst nightmare is watching his friends die while he survives and can’t do anything about it. That vision was haunting Tony for years now and he’s ready to die to make sure it never happens.

But it has to happen. In order for them to win, Tony’s worst nightmare has to come true.

“Stop.”

Thanos tears his attention off of Tony, the gauntlet still firmly aimed his way and ready to smite him from existence.

“Spare his life…and I’ll give you the stone.”

He doesn’t have to look Tony’s way to know that sentence shocked him about just as much as it shocked Thanos. Stephen was very particular about where he stands when it comes to the Time stone.

“ _If it comes down to protecting you, Peter or the Time stone, I’ll have to protect the stone, Tony. It’s my job. I have sworn to protect it and no matter what happens, I absolutely cannot let Thanos have it._ ”

Of course back then he didn’t know that protecting the Time stone at all costs would inevitably doom half of the universe. Irreversibly, too.

“No tricks,” Thanos instructs, pointing the gauntlet towards him.

“Don’t,” is all Tony manages to gurgle out through the pain and blood but Stephen ignores him, conjuring the real Time stone and sending it Thanos’s way.

The Mad Titan wastes no time adding the stone to his collection on the gauntlet and when the deed is done, he opens up a cloudy, blue portal and disappears in it.

To Earth. To get the Mind stone. To win.

“Why would you do that?” Tony asks once he treats the wound, his voice coming out more like a whimper than anything else. Disbelieve hangs heavy over the words and when Stephen meets his glassy eyes, he can also see it.

“We’re in the endgame now.”

That’s all he says. Because he doesn’t dare say more. He knows Tony will eventually understand.

Peter, Nebula and the Guardians scramble back to them, the kid helping Tony to his feet while Quill looks around the battlefield.

“Did we just lose?” Quill echoes the disbelief still written all over Tony’s face.

There’s a moment of complete silence as that realization settles in everyone’s head. And the silence was only going to get worse soon.

Stephen doesn’t get up from where he sits collapsed on the rock Thanos threw him on. It won’t be long now. He thugs on the Cloak, making it slide off his shoulders and hang in the air next to him. He’s torn and dirty and overall looks like hell…and in a moment he will be the only thing left on this planet other than Nebula and Tony.

It’s all Stephen can do now. “You take care of him, you hear me, weirdo?” he whisper to him. The Cloak has never really listened to a single thing he’s said, but he knows he will follow this request.

He’s seen it all happen after all.

Peter alerts to it first. His spidey-senses once again proving their worth, making the kid stiffen and look around with a frown.

“Something’s happening,” Mantis warns them seconds later.

Stephen can only watch them start disintegrating one after the other. He can only listen to Peter’s desperate pleads as he fights the process every step of the way, holding onto Tony like a lifeline.

“Tony, I’m sorry,” Stephen breathes out. “There was no other way,” he says, holding Tony’s terrified gaze until the Soul stone takes him whole, knowing Peter will lose the fight right after him, leaving Titan with just one single life sign remaining.

With a mere snap of a finger, the nightmare becomes reality.

 

 

It’s cruel, no matter the cause or excuse. Exploiting Tony’s biggest fears in order to defeat Thanos is nothing short of torture and Stephen’s the one who green-lighted it. He’s to blame and he lets the Soul world taunt him with it the entire time he spends in there.

They decide the construct of reality within this world. Each soul has the power to make their afterlife as exciting, mundane or punishing as they wish - a dream come true or a hellish nightmare. So much so that some don’t even realize they are in fact dead and simply get stuck in what they believe is the world they deserve.

No form of suffering Stephen can come up with will ever equal the one Tony will have to go through, but that doesn’t stop him from trying. He constructs each scenario to be worse than the one before, flirting with insanity by the end of it. Creating worlds full of Dormammus and increasingly crippling accidents, worlds where he can never be a neurosurgeon nor a sorcerer, worlds where he’s nothing but a fly on the wall not even worthy to by squished.

Useless. Pointless. Unsalvageable.

In the end it’s the world in which Tony Stark doesn’t exist that almost cracks his sanity to a point of no return. It sounds ridiculous in his head at first, but as he spends days after days living in this surreal construct, he realizes he might have found his own worst nightmare. Because after a year filled with the presence of the man, Stephen can’t imagine a year void of it.

Or as it turns out, he can.

And the loss it makes him feels doesn’t compare to anything he’s experienced ever before. He could lose his hands, lose his wits, lose his magic, he could lose all of it over and over again and he would. He would lose himself completely if it meant he wouldn’t have to live in the grim reality where Tony is nothing but a memory.

It’s ironic.

Tony would rather do the same than ever having to watch someone he cares about die and in comes Stephen to give him no other choice but to do exactly that – watch them die. Go back to Earth and find half of it dead. Vision, Happy, Pepper. Gone.

Tony’s brain kicks into overdrive faster than Captain America can say “I’m sorry, Tony.” and he’s in the lab working on a plan before the Roguevengers can even fly themselves to the Compound.

He has Bruce, Shuri and Harley and most of all, he has Rhodey. Even Nebula sticks with him and the Cloak literally sticks to him. They are the only reason he stays sane enough to focus on the task at hand.

Thanos might have won the fight, but the war is far from over and Tony knows that.

He knows this is a carefully set up game of chess, he’s the King and now they’re in the endgame. All the other pieces had done their job and now it’s the King’s time to shine. 

Thanos thinks he’s won. He destroyed half of the enemy pieces and retired to celebrate his victory, forgetting there’s still a checkmate to be made.

It takes Tony just weeks before the tables are turned and suddenly he’s the one with the gauntlet, some of the stones and the fate of the universe in his hands.

That’s where Thanos realizes he got played back on Titan. He was so close to fulfilling his ambition, _so close_ that in his stone-hunting haze he ignored what he would normally find at least a little suspicious.

Like why would a Master of the Mystic Arts willingly trade the Time stone to save a single man’s life.

Sparing Tony’s life was a fatal mistake and Thanos figured it out way too late. In his last ditch effort to prevent Tony from undoing the snap, he gives up the Soul stone. Lets it disappear back to Voromir, desperately hoping Tony won’t ever be able to get it.

Another mistake.

Nebula navigates them in there and through the phantom Red Skull’s unwilling instruction, they learn what must be done.

It’s a nearly impossible situation. One moment of hesitation and all will be lost. Just one moment and Thanos would prevail.

Rhodey doesn’t have the word ‘hesitation’ in his vocabulary.

He’s a soldier and this is nothing but one more battle to be fought. He sees Tony volunteering even before the engineer has time to process what the Red Skull told them. He hears the hypocritical lecture about sacrificing people sputtering out of Rogers’s mouth before the man is capable of tearing his eyes away from his sworn enemy.

So he makes his decision before either man can act. Because that’s the kind of a man he is.

 _Was_.

 

* * *

 

 

And here they are now because of that – safe and sound within the walls of the Compound. All of them. All but the man who sacrificed himself to ensure this outcome.

Half of the universe reanimated. Thanos defeated. The gauntlet destroyed. The Infinity stones mostly destroyed.

Some already call it a victory. Some will never see it as one.

And how ironic is it for both Thanos and Tony to be among those that will always see this outcome as their personal failure.

Stephen’s watch over Tony is far from over by the time sun rises over New York, a ray or two passing through the blinds FRIDAY had set up the day before.

He didn’t see this far into the future. All he really needed to see within the realm of this future’s possibility was if Thanos is truly defeated, the gauntlet beyond repair, the stones gone and Tony alive.

He doesn’t need the powers of the Eye of Agamotto to know his partly selfish choice will have a reckoning, sooner rather than later.

“ _Why would you do that_?”

Tony will never forgive him the actual answer to that. And Stephen will have to live with that. It will haunt him – but it will haunt him a lot less than all the other alternatives in which Tony Stark ended up dead.

And so his watch begins.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! And yay! Summer is so over now which means I am once again in my happy place :D No more melting and shit, god I am so happy right now *content sigh*
> 
> Speaking of happy, that's as far as happy goes when it comes to this story though. There's no happy here. Not even Happy is in this chapter, to stress just how NOT happy it is. 
> 
> Please don't kill me? :'D And if you can, enjoy the rest of this angsty mess <3

The Cloak shoots up from his designated duvet position on the bed, the movement startling Stephen into a flinch.

“What?” he asks, voice lowered.

The Cloak floats forward, effectively hovering between the door and them and that’s all the answer Stephen needs to stand up and move next to him, hands at his sides but ready to meet anything or anyone that dares come through.

He was very clear to everyone that Tony is not to be disturbed. So who the hell would –

“ _Captain Rogers is requesting entry to the room, Doctor_ ,” FRIDAY announces and no, he didn’t tell her to lock everyone out – but there is absolutely no way she’s letting certain _someones_ in.

And neither is Stephen.

He waves at the battered Cloak and he slips around his shoulders without hesitation, bits and pieces of his fabric torn and loose. He’s going to need some serious sewing up.

Casting a quick sound-proofing spell, just in case things are about to get rowdy, he opens a portal to the hallway, coming out right behind the fidgeting form of Captain America.

Stephen could get rid of him with a snap of _his_ fingers and wouldn’t even need the gauntlet for it. It’s a really tempting thought, too.

“Excuse me,” he addresses him, letting the portal collapse.

Rogers half-turns around, eyes widened. “Uh…,” his gaze flick between the closed doors and Stephen, “…you are…Strange, right?”

“ _Doctor_ Strange,” he rolls his eyes, channeling his inner Jack Sparrow.

“Of course,” he nods. “Bruce and Thor mentioned you.”

Great. He’s been introduced to the man by Thor – who insists on calling him the _beer_ _witch_ and Doctor Banner – who believes Stephen has gone a little crazy over the years and went from a neurosurgeon to a stoned voodoo doctor.

It’s probably for the best.

Pepper would have crushed the guy with her heels before initiating any kind of conversation first and Happy would probably just glare at him and ignore any questions asked.

Good thing the kids aren’t hanging around the Compound, because they would definitely portrait Stephen as the Dark Lord Voldemort himself and high-key threaten Rogers with summoning him.

“How can I help you?” he asks, the Cloak making his presence known with dramatic fluttering.

Rogers squints at the Cloak that he undoubtedly remembers Tony wearing the past few months and then back up at him, fully turning around and straightening. He’s taller than Stephen expected and it would seem he’s spent the one year in exile doing nothing but steroids and push-ups. Probably some testosterone treatment to sprung that beard, too.

“You can’t. I’m here to speak with Tony.”

 _Tony_ , huh? He’s got some nerve. “I’m afraid _Doctor Stark_ is unavailable at the moment. But you can leave a message after the tone if you want,” he suggests, schooling the onset of a grin into a smug purse of lips. “Or _you_ can leave.”

Rogers’s neutral expression hardens into a minor glare that however wouldn’t even be able to burn through paper. He should introduce him to Wong and his super destructive Michael Bay glare.

“I’m not leaving until I’ve talked to him,” he responds in defiance.

“Then get comfortable here, because you won’t be talking to him for a _long_ time.”

Rogers studies Stephen for a while before he shakes his head. “Says you. Who are you, some sort of a secretary?”

“That’s Secretary Supreme to you, Mister Rogers. And no. I’m _some sort_ of a doctor. So as a doctor I am saying nobody – and that does include you despite popular belief – will speak with Tony for at least the next twelve hours during which he will continue resting under my professional supervision. He deserves the rest, wouldn’t you agree?”

“As do we all but there are matters that need to be taken care of first.”

“Like what?”

“Avengers related matters,” he retorts, clearly not keen on telling him.

“Interesting. I don’t know about any such matters.”

“Because you’re not - ”

“An Avenger? Oh but I am. In fact,” he steps closer, introducing the supersoldier to _his_ glare, “I do believe I am third in command after Doctor Stark and Colonel Rhodes.”

Rogers doesn’t look persuaded. “How convenient.”

“ _And also true_ ,” FRIDAY decides to intervene. “ _Doctor Strange is at this very moment effectively in command of the Avengers_.”

Stephen raises his eyebrows, tilting his head upward. “There you have it. Now that we’ve established clear ranks you can tell me what this Avengers related matter is and I will take care of it in Doctor Stark’s stead.”

“We’ve called for a meeting to discuss the next steps,” he eventually tells him, reluctant as ever.  

“And by _we_ , you mean…?”

“Me and Natasha.”

“Ah. And by next steps, you mean…?” he echoes, enjoying the rapidly escalating scowl of annoyance forming on Rogers’s face.

“Now that Earth is no longer under threat, our presence here is…” No longer welcomed? Needed? _Wanted_? “…questionable.”

Stephen couldn’t say it better himself, he’ll give him that. “Right! Of course, I almost forgot. You’re still fugitives on the run from justice, well why didn’t you just say so immediately, _Captain_ Rogers? I will _gladly_ handle this emergency meeting as believe it or not, we have prepared for this particular situation.”

“You…have?”

Stephen nods, his smug grimace only intensifying. “Lead the way,” he gestures down the hall, his hands suddenly as steady as they’ll ever be.

Rogers glances back at the firmly closed doors of Tony’s bedroom once more but then starts walking back to what Stephen presumes is the briefing room.

 

Just as he expected, the _Avengers meeting_ is suspiciously missing all the _actual Avengers_. Rhodey’s absence is a given, Vision is still in pieces in Wakanda but Stephen knows Tony has plans to reassemble him – if Shuri doesn’t do it first.

And with Tony blissfully asleep, Peter grounded – probably for the rest of his life – and T’Challa already in charge of restorations in Wakanda, the only actual Avenger in the room is…well… _him_.

Thor’s and Bruce’s Avenger status is on hold – for the lack of a better word. Until they make their decision about the Accords, they’re not officially part of the team, but they are definitely much better off than the rest of the people in the room.

With the exception of Captain Danvers and Hope van Dyne, both of which had been scouted by Fury months ago and seemed keen on officially joining.

That leaves Stephen in the less than desirable company of the worn out Roguevengers, sitting huddled together by the conference table. They should be asleep too – not that Stephen gives a single fuck about their well-being, but his constant inner-doctor just can’t help himself.

“Well then,” he exhales, purposefully walking to the other end of the table to join Danvers, Banner and Thor. “What exactly is the issue that couldn’t wait a few days to be solved?” he asks and sits down, exchanging a nod with the trio.

“Who the hell is that?” Barton raises a questioning eyebrow toward Rogers.

Rogers opens up his mouth and gapes for a second, clearly not finding the right words to describe him. Stephen wonders if he should take offence at that or just enjoy the supersoldier’s apparent annoyance.

“ _That_ is the mighty beer witch I have told you about!” Thor decides to take over the introduction, earning himself a glare from Stephen and a completely confused stare from Banner.

“Doctor Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme, Master of the Mystic Arts and protector of the New York Sanctum,” he introduces himself in a bored tone and smirks when he sees Barton roll his eyes while Wanda scoffs.

“Whatchu playin’ at? Daenerys Stormborn?” Wilson quips and is the only Roguevenger that looks more amused than annoyed. Except for Barnes, who’s expression he’s yet to decipher.

“I got that reference,” Rogers mumbles with a tiny smile.

So on top of the push-ups and steroids, he’s been watching Game of Thrones. Good to know that life on the run isn’t all that bad, because if Stephen doesn’t kill the man before this briefing is over, he will send him back to wherever he’s come from.

Or the Dark Dimension. That’s always an option.  

“ _Doctor Strange is also currently in charge of the Avengers, while boss is recovering_ ,” FRIDAY chimes in again.

“Ah yes, there’s that too,” he nods, folding his gloved hands on top of the table. “So, what can I do for you?” he squints at the Rogues.

Rogers clears his throat and mimics his position, leaning forward and folding his hands. “With Thanos defeated, I believe it is time for us to address our status,” he gestures towards his fellow criminals.

“I didn’t want to bring it up before because…well… _Thanos_ , but Tony said you guys split up? What’s that all about?” Banner frowns and Thor mirrors his confusion next to him.

“Long story short,” Rogers begins, but if he thinks he can make that story short he can keep on dreaming.

“There is no story and there is most certainly not a short version of it. The _facts_ are that Mister Rogers, along with his,” Stephen pauses, looking the others over, “merry band over there decided to oppose the UN enacted law directly affecting the Avengers and the 117 countries that signed under it. There would be nothing wrong with that of course – we live in a democratic society so even if 117 countries agree on something, we have all the rights to disagree with it and oppose it. That would usually entail appealing to the UN through official channels, setting up a hearing, presenting new or different options and negotiating them…but Mister Rogers is clearly above all that. Starting a superhero civil war is so much easier after all.”

“Starting a _what_ now?!” Banner widens his eyes, glancing between him and Rogers.

Rogers sighs. “It had nothing to do with the Accords.”

“I’m sorry, did you sign the Accords?”

“No, but - ”

“So it had and _has_ everything to do with the Accords. Your other personal issues that contributed to your decision to have a fight rather than a talk are irrelevant,” he cuts whatever Rogers was about to argue with off.

“ _Personal issues_?” Wanda utters in disbelieve. “I was held hostage! He was being hunted down like some kind of a criminal!” she points at Barnes, who obviously doesn’t share her anger if his completely Zen expression is anything to go by.

 _So that’s what it is_ , Stephen muses, finally recognizing Barnes’s mood as _chilling_. And not the Winter Soldier sinister kind.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Miss Maximoff. Sergeant Barnes was being hunted down like some kind of a criminal – because at the time he was thought to be one. And you were not held hostage but merely kept on house arrest, for good reasons too. If you exhibited such abuse of your abilities not to mention a general lack of control of them anywhere near me, you wouldn’t have seen the outside of Kamar-Taj for months if not years, until I thought you safe to join civilization again. And unlike the Compound, Kamar-Taj doesn’t have a home cinema, a fancy gym, kitchen stuffed with food, cleaning staff – not even flushing toilets. So tell me more about how you’ve suffered here again while other people were trying to sort out _your_ mess?” he gives her a full-blown glare.

“Can we focus on the here and now? Please?” Rogers sighs again and Stephen at last understands what Tony has meant by ‘a disappointed sigh’. A difficult concept to imagine by words alone, but hearing it twice in a rapid succession just now it’s exactly that. “What happened, happened.”

“It would seem that some people don’t even know or understand what happened – and they were part of it all. How can we focus on the here and now, Mister Rogers?”

“Let me get this straight,” Banner shakes his head, still none the wiser. “UN created some…Accords about the Avengers that you disagreed with…so you fought Tony?”

“That’s not wh - ” Wanda starts.

“I’m sorry, what are _you_ doing here again?” Banner interrupts her immediately, not even trying to sound polite. “You messed with my head and sent the Hulk on a rampage through a busy city full of unsuspecting civilians, so I really don’t care what _you_ have to say.”

“A lot has happened since then, Bruce,” Rogers tries to placate him.

“Oh I can tell, alright? _You_ have lost your mind, someone invited a willing HYDRA agent who joined Ultron and mindfucked everyone into the team at one point and this guy went from being a fancy neurosurgeon to being a badass Infinity stone-wielding wizard. Have I missed something? Right, the team broke up because…this still escapes me actually.”

Stephen knew he would like Banner.

“You weren’t there,” Rogers states, gritting his teeth. “And _he_ wasn’t either,” he moves his fiery glare at Stephen, “so we should move on from the topic now.”

“Very well,” Stephen nods and stands up, the Cloak fluttering in the non-existent wind like the drama queen he is. And if Stephen makes his loose hair flare a bit to accompany the effect well, nobody is here to berate him about it. “Moving on. There is a very detailed official report on what has happened that you are all free to read later. For now, I believe your team of criminals here wants to know what is going to happen now that the world is not distracted by an enigmatic otherworldly villain and will soon demand action, knowing that you’re all hiding from justice here now.”

The guy Stephen didn’t bother remembering the name of shuffles in his seat and speaks up, even raising a hand. “Uhm, I’m not really - ”

“Except for you and Agent Barton I suppose, as you have both made a deal with the UN since then. Good for you. You joining the team again is a discussion for another day.”

Barton shrugs, his defensive body language all but melting away with it.

“As for the rest of you, here’s what’s going to happen. You can stay in the Compound for now – and by _can_ I meant to say _have to_. In Miss Maximoff’s words, you are now hostages in the worst possible place on Earth,” he scoffs and continues, leaving them no space for retaliation. “Just as it was in her case, this is for your own good because believe me if you decide to break this house arrest and make a run for it, I will hunt you down myself. And it’s going to be _very easy_ and _very enjoyable_ so _please_ do.”

“We’re prisoners then,” Wanda laughs humorlessly.

“As well as you should be!” Stephen booms. “You can either enjoy this five star prison for the upcoming few months while your case is being negotiated with the UN or you can make a run for it and then God help you all. You already look plenty guilty, but if you run then there is no amount of negotiations anyone can make to keep you out of jail. A real jail, not a mansion disguised as a military base. Remember the Raft? That you stayed…what…five days in? Well, we are talking _the rest of your life_ kind of stay in there now. If you’re lucky.”

“Wow,” Romanoff drawls. Stephen almost expected her to silently observe him for the rest of this meeting without saying a word. “If we’re lucky, huh?”

“Indeed. Being sent to prison for the rest of your days means you would first have to be caught and presented to the Court – you know, the _official_ way. Seeing that the official way is not your style, I would gladly accommodate you to the unofficial one where I may or may not be tempted to send you to an entirely different kind of prison the second I catch you. You think the Soul world was bad? There are dimensions far worse than that, worse than your wildest nightmares.”

“Are you threatening us?” Rogers catches onto his opportunity and stands up to join the glaring competition.

“You wanted to know your options and here they are. Stay within the safety of this base and wait for your fate to be decided or try your luck outside of this base. In which case, nobody might ever hear from you ever again _for no particular reason_.”

“Is that so? You get to openly threaten people now? Is that part of the Accords, too?” Romanoff asks, low and dangerous.

“Shouldn’t you know, agent Romanoff? You signed them and then you both literally and metaphorically backstabbed a guy and joined Mister Rogers so really you should be sitting in that corner there silent as the vacuum of space because contrary to what you might think, you are worse off than them because you signed the Accords and then acted against them. I hope you read up on all the repercussions that follow such an act, they aren’t pretty.”

“That’s enough,” Rogers spells out, quiet and threatening in his own way. Being face to face with an angry supersoldier would have probably scared him shitless a few years ago. After facing an angry demon from the darkest of dimensions, he doesn’t scare easily and it clearly pisses Rogers off even more.

“I agree. You wanted to know where you stand, now you know.”

“I’m going back to get Tony, this is pointless,” Rogers mumbles to his wanna-be team and takes a few steps to round the table but Stephen is standing in his way before he can even make it anywhere near the door.

“Just for your information, Mister Rogers,” he spits, the fake politeness only strengthening the mocking undertones, “Doctor Stark was the one who set this up in case…well in case this exact scenario were to happen.”

“That explains it,” Wanda sighs.

“When he’s awake and on his feet, you can – and by _can_ I once again mean _have to_ – thank him personally for setting up this course of action because as far as the UN is concerned they wanted you dead or arrested on sight and thrown into the Raft without a trial and without looking back. I was intrigued by the first option in particular by the way but Doctor Stark persuaded them and me to reconsider and give you _another_ chance. An opportunity to clear your names because after all, nobody was hurt in your little squabble. Just you pride, a trashed airport and some cuts and bruises, right?”

“Exactly,” Wanda comments again, unable to see the rapidly paling complexion of Captain America.

“Right?” Stephen repeats, taking a daring step closer to the supersoldier. “You didn’t happen to leave anyone close to death on the floor of a Siberian bunker up in the middle of nowhere… _right_?” he asks and congratulates himself on his state of complete calmness that even Doctor Banner would be likely impressed by. “Say, a friend of yours? Or perhaps not your friend after all. A teammate though, a teammate for sure. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, _Captain_?”

“What are you…what is he talking about?” Banner asks him but turns to Rogers instead instantly.

Judging by everyone’s collective confused expressions and one extremely horrified one appearing on a certain formerly brainwashed HYDRA assassin, it’s clear who in this room is privy to what happened in Siberia. And it’s just as he thought – the only ones that know are the ones that had been there.

At one point or the other.

Rogers sobers up from his fury at least a little bit and looks him straight in the eyes, mouth opening to speak.

“Think some more about what you’re about to say, because I swear to Hippocrates that as much as I hate taking life I will make an exception in your case, Rogers. If I hear one more excuse out of your mouth I will truly, completely sna _p_.”

“What is he talking about, Steve?” Natasha inquires this time. He has little good to say about the ex Russian spy, but he recognizes when someone’s bullshit radar goes off and she definitely appears to have one.

“You left him in there?” Barnes joins in before Rogers’s brain even has the chance to hit restart from the blue screen it must be experiencing right now. “You said he was fine, that _you made sure_ he was. And why don’t they know about it?”

So much for Barnes’s Zen attitude because he looks just about done right now. _Done with Rogers_. Maybe there’s really some hope for him yet. Tony would like to think so and this time he might even be right…not that he’s very lucky when it comes to the pictures he paints about other people.

The one he had of Rogers was bad enough…and now Stephen added his own into the same pile.

“I believe you have a lot to explain. You don’t need me for that. Before I leave however, be advised that you don’t have access to certain parts of the Compound - FRIDAY will give you details, if you ask nicely. Otherwise she will just tell you to fuck off whenever you try to access someplace you shouldn’t, right Fri?”

“ _Boss taught me not to use such words, but I will gladly make an exception_.”

“Good girl,” he winks at the ceiling and with a last glare aimed towards the now positively sweating Rogers and a court nod to the non-rogues, he whirls around and exists the room.

It’s a small miracle that he left without sending anyone on a ride through all the bad dimensions he knows of. That doesn’t make the threat of violence any less relevant though - no matter how unlike himself it was, those guys need to be put in check. Rogers and the witch for sure. The way Tony has it all planned out is nice and all but if they are once again let off without so much as a slap on the wrist, they will never learn to do any better. So if Stephen has to play the bad cop, he will happily do so.

Part of him wants to turn around and go back to watch the carnage, but if he heard Rogers retell what happened in Siberia Stephen might most _definitely_ snap and kill the man by the end of it. _Accidentally_.

He stops by the cafeteria to make coffee, although a relaxing cup of genmaicha wouldn’t go amiss right now. His heavy eyelids however remind him that he is also still just a human in need of sleep. The last time he was this exhausted was…years ago. After his post Battle of New York ER shift.

That’s where it all started.

It was Thanos’s first attempt at poking Earth with an alien invasion. The first time the Avengers assembled. The first time he met Tony.

Feels like such a long time ago. Back when the Avengers were an actual team, he was nothing more than a cocky neurosurgeon and the scariest threat Earth ever faced was a space whale.

Now, the Avengers are in shambles, he’s a wizard with issues and Earth is officially the most fearless of planets in the known universe.

Things just don’t tend to stay simple, not in his experience.

“Uhm…FRIDAY?” he frowns at the stubbornly closed doors of the hallway he’s trying to pass to get back to Tony’s room.

“ _Sorry, doc. This wing is now under lockdown_.”

“Lockdown? Wh – is Tony awake?!”

“ _Yes_.”

 _Shit_.

“Tell him that - ”

“ _I’m afraid I am currently on mute so I can’t tell him anything_.”

 _Double shit_.

Taking a deep breath, he sets the cup of coffee down on a nearby windowsill and simply portals himself into the room.

“I know I know, magical portals only during emergencies well I’m calling an emergency since you put Fri on mute and decided to lock – “

He halts his ramble the second he spots the slumped down form curled up against the headboard of the bed, shaking with tiny tremors as tears silently fall into the mess of sheets underneath.

“Did you know?” Tony asks, the words broken by sobs and barely audible, still loud enough to stop Stephen in his advance towards the bed.

He holds his breath and answers, bracing himself for whatever’s to come. “Yes.”

It’s the truth. He knew. And still…

“Then go away.”

“Tony – “

“Go. Away,” he repeats a little steadier this time, eyes remaining unfocused though.

Stephen freezes and for the first time since becoming a sorcerer, he doesn’t know what to do or what to say. He knew it would soon come to this. The harsh awakening to this new reality that he helped create.

Maybe Tony really wants him to go, maybe he doesn’t – either way, Stephen is in no place to judge the situation and make the right call. Not now, not here.

 _Only time will tell_ …

Absentmindedly, he runs his fingers over the watch still firmly secured around his wrist and prays to any higher power willing to listen that time will be on his side and that maybe…in time…Thanos’s shadow will fade enough to allow light to shine back on them again.

It won’t be right now. Not today.

“Okay,” he breathes out and takes a step back to emphasize the intention. “I’ll go. But know I’m just one word away, Tony. You’re not - ”

“Just. Go.”

Quiet and desperate. _Broken_. He wonders if that’s the tone he used in Siberia when Rogers’s transgression came to light.

And honestly, how is Stephen any different?

He can lay down the excuses, just as Rogers did. He can tell Tony there was no other way, that every other possibility was going from bad to worse and that he had to make the choice so he did.

It doesn’t change the fact that he looked Tony straight in the eyes on Titan and _lied_.

Stephen knew there was a price to pay for this victory and he knew that price was Rhodey’s life. He knew that with every step he took on Titan, he was knowingly sacrificing Tony’s best friend – his first and for so long his only friend. Loyal in every way, reliable, sticking with him through the good and through the bad and the worst.

And it’s Stephen’s fault he’s gone now. Nobody else’s but his, not even Thanos’s.  

 _Unforgivable_.

It’s ironic that Stephen was ready to lose everything – everything but Tony and now that it’s all over and the fight is done and won, he’s losing just that.

He’s losing Tony.

He might have already lost him. But what’s truly important is that _Tony was not lost_. He might be a weeping mess on the bed but he’s here and he’s alive.

At the end of this very long day, Stephen cares about nothing else but that. He shrugs the Cloak off, leaving the visibly confused apparel hanging in the room while he portals back to the Sanctum and retires to his room, completely ignoring a concerned looking Wong on the way there.

He settles down on the bed, not even bothering to change the dusty clothes that smell of magic, grime and death. He buries his face in the pillow and cries himself to a restless sleep. He falls asleep every night hoping, like a child making a wish before delving into dreams, that the sun would rise the next day, bright and warm. That the next day is going to be better than the one before.

 

It isn’t.

And the one after that isn’t either.

Nor those that follow.

And just like that, Stephen’s world turns colder than the harshest of winters. Because what used to be the sun in his dark little world is now too far away from him.

Beyond the reach of his unworthy hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...you know how I started this series and mentioned somewhere at one point that I really enjoy writing Stephen's POV, because I've never written it before and all that? Well...you know whose POV I positively LOVE writing and so far there was absolutely none of it in the series even though there were already two or three instances where I secretly plotted to include it but then evily left Stephen on his own? 
> 
> Guess you'll find out NEXT...on Dragonball Ironstrange! *cackles*


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